Promise rings for her

Women’s Promise Ring Collection

Thank Miley Cyrus, Liam Hemsworth, and the Jonas Brothers of the early ’80s for the resurgence of an age-old concept: the promise ring for women. While many people associate promise rings with teenagers, budding romance, and sometimes abstinence (more on that later), the gesture and meaning of a promise ring runs much deeper and is appropriate for couples of all ages.

The Meaning of a Promise Ring

Simply put, a promise ring for women is a step up from dating. It shows the world that your heart belongs to someone else and that you’re committed to protecting and nurturing that relationship. These days, a promise ring is most commonly given before an engagement, but that’s not always the case.

“Some of my clients don’t necessarily believe in marriage, so they give promise rings as a symbol of a lasting relationship,” says jeweler Benjamin. But if you’re planning on getting married someday, why not give the engagement ring away and wait it out?

Finances, age, and geography can all play a role. A couple in medical school, for example, may have years to go before they’re financially secure enough to pay for a diamond and large loans, or a couple with one partner on a work assignment abroad may want to wait until they’re physically together to get engaged. Finally, teenage lovers may not be mature enough to take on the more adult aspects of living together and getting married. In these cases, a promise ring serves as a way to announce a future engagement without kicking off the wedding planning process.

While it’s fair to think of a purity ring as a type of promise ring, the two aren’t entirely interchangeable. A purity ring is worn as an outward commitment to abstain from sexual relations until marriage. A promise ring can have the same meaning if the commitment is made within a relationship, but if it is a promise to oneself, one’s parents, or one’s religious institution, it is generally considered something separate.

The History of Women’s Promise Rings

According to Benjamin, the concept of promise rings dates back to Roman times. He explains that the Romans had to wait a certain amount of time before getting married, and they gave rings as a sign of commitment at that time.

The more romantic “posy” ring, worn as a symbol of affection between lovers, came along in the 14th century. Also spelled “posey” or “poesy,” the posy ring was a ring engraved with a short poetic phrase (often written in Latin or French) to signify romantic feelings. In the 19th century, acrostic rings cleverly spelled out words like “regard” and “dearest” with gemstones. (“Regard” was communicated with a ruby, emerald, garnet, amethyst, ruby, and diamond, while “dearest” was comprised of a diamond, emerald, amethyst, ruby, emerald, sapphire, and tourmaline.)1

The promise ring as an engagement ring is a more modern concept. The promise ring as an engagement ring is a more modern concept. As courtships have gotten longer, people have come to give promise rings as a sort of halfway guarantee. “These days, a promise ring means that we’ll get married eventually, but we’re not ready yet,” Benjamin says. “This reassures both parties that the relationship will continue.

What Does a Promise Ring Look Like?

The short answer is: There is no answer! Like engagement rings, promise rings come in a wide variety of styles. The ring should be tailored to the wearer’s personal taste, but not too over the top to be worn every day. Here are some popular trends in promise ring styles:

Smaller diamond rings. Large solitaires have long been associated with engagement, but stones 0.25 carats and under are a common way to give a promise ring that signals a future engagement.
Simple rings. Whether set with gemstones, engraved with initials, or made entirely of precious metal, a band-style promise ring is a more subtle approach.
Birthstone rings. Giving the wearer their birthstone is great for longevity, as the ring can be worn alongside an engagement ring later on.
Cluster rings. Several stones grouped together sparkle like an engagement ring, but don’t replace it. “They fill that void,” says jeweler Melanie. “They can be worn on either hand and don’t make people feel like they’re engaged when they’re not.

How to Give a Promise Ring

Proposals can be over the top. They involve grand gestures, romantic monologues, and getting down on one knee. “Giving an engagement ring should be as far removed from those gestures as possible,” says Benjamin. “You don’t want to fool your partner into thinking they’re about to be proposed to.”

What Finger Do You Wear an Engagement Ring On?

A promise ring can be worn on the ring finger of either hand. If it’s given and accepted as a symbol of future commitment, it’s usually worn on the left hand.

How Long After Giving an Engagement Ring Should You Propose?

An engagement ring doesn’t kick off a countdown to marriage, but it’s something you should be willing to discuss. Be open and honest about how you envision your future as a couple, as well as your feelings about marriage in general.

What to do with a promise ring after getting engaged?

Whatever you want! Some will wear it on their right ring finger, others will opt to wear it on a necklace, and still others will set it aside. Promise Ring suggests wearing it in place of an engagement ring while traveling, and Casey notes that promise rings are part of the growing trend of stackable jewelry. “We’ve seen people do promise ring/engagement ring combos, where a stack of rings starts with a promise ring on the engagement ring, then they add a wedding band, then a diamond ring,” she says. “The left ring finger represents the phases of life and the relationship.